{"id":271,"date":"2015-02-20T16:39:36","date_gmt":"2015-02-20T07:39:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.luci.jp\/diary2\/?p=271"},"modified":"2021-09-11T23:24:07","modified_gmt":"2021-09-11T14:24:07","slug":"family_breakdown_in_developed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kazu-matsui.jp\/?p=271","title":{"rendered":"“Family Breakdown in Developed Societies” by Kazu Matsui"},"content":{"rendered":"

Family
\nBreakdown in Developed Societies<\/b><\/font><\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

\n<\/p>\n

Kazu
\nMATSUI<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

chokoko@aol.com<\/font><\/a><\/font><\/p>\n

Summary:<\/b><\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Child-rearing,
\nin particular raising children in their early childhood, has as its
\nfirst objective, how the human qualities of the nurturer are
\ncultivated, and how the hearts and minds of those who are raising the
\nchildren can become as one. Raising children gives rise to the morals
\nand order of human society.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

When
\nwe forget the fact that how patience, kindness and the measure of
\nhappiness of the teachers are fostered, is more important than what
\nis learned by those who are being taught, the activities of human
\nsociety starts to become distorted.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

When
\nthe nurturers’ view of happiness ceases to develop on the part of
\nthe parents, this leads to abandoning the family, and compulsory
\neducation in itself becomes unviable. (Welfare can also further the
\nproblem of family breakdown, eventually making it financially
\nunviable.)<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

\n\n<\/p>\n

Main
\nText:<\/b><\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

When
\nI was 20 years old, I lived for several months in the countryside of
\nIndia, and then I moved to the United States in 1975. I asked a
\nyounger female cousin who was in the fifth grade, what sort of things
\nshe talks about with her friends at school.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

She
\nsaid, “There’s a lot of talk about, ‘my new father this time…,’
\nand ‘my new mother this time…’ “<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Has
\nthere ever been such a time as this in human history?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Some
\nnursery teachers in Japan also got a foretaste of the breakdown of
\nthe family, characteristic of societies of developed countries that I
\nhad seen. The more cases I heard about, of what was taking place in
\nthe field, the more I realized that the “loss of parental feelings”
\nhad already started to grow in Japan as well.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

\n<\/p>\n

View
\nof Children Under a Year Old<\/b><\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

I
\ngive talks on the title, “Why did the universe give us children
\nunder a year old?” There is meaning in the fact that a zero year
\nold is a zero year old.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

“The
\nuniverse gives us human beings, children under a year old, saying,
\n‘You should experience inconvenience, and you should be happy.’
\nWithout<\/font> <\/b><\/font>the
\nbabies<\/font> <\/b><\/font>taking
\naway our freedom, and if there were no happiness in offering our
\nfreedom, humankind would have been destroyed long ago.” <\/font><\/font>\n<\/p>\n

<\/a>
\nIn
\na country where education is widespread, sometimes people can be
\nbound by the ‘word’ or concept of ‘freedom.’ In my talks, I try to
\nexplain the role of little children to parents, who, by being
\nconscious of this concept of freedom feel ‘inconvenienced’ [the
\nJapanese word for this, <\/font>fu-jiyuu<\/i><\/font>,
\nis written with characters meaning, ‘without freedom’] and
\ndiscontented. <\/font><\/font>\n<\/p>\n

Human
\nbeings have originally felt happy about being a little
\ninconvenienced. This is what I call a ‘bond’ between human beings. <\/font><\/font>\n<\/p>\n

At
\ntimes<\/font>, we feel that having
\na bond is bothersome.<\/font> Yet,
\noriginally, people feel happiness in depending on each other,
\ntrusting each other, creating bonds and becoming one in heart. If we
\nfeel that inconvenience is not good, for example, it would be
\ndifficult to marry at all. Marriage is to voluntarily choose to
\nbecome ‘inconvenienced.’<\/font>
\n<\/font><\/font>\n<\/p>\n

When
\nwe become anxious or worried, whether there is someone who will help,
\nor that we can confide in, is what gives us the “strength to
\nlive.” There is not one person in this world who is totally
\nindependent. Even a person who appears to be very independent had to
\nbe helpless when he or she was a baby.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

To
\ngive birth to a child means to become even more inconvenienced [or<\/font>,<\/font>
\n<\/font>‘<\/font>without
\nfreedom<\/font>‘<\/font>]
\nthan in marriage. The reason why we are able to be alive here today
\nis because most of our parents felt happy to be inconvenienced by us,
\nand felt happy to offer their freedom to raise us up.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

\n<\/p>\n

The
\n<\/b><\/font>H<\/b><\/font>appiness
\nof <\/b><\/font>N<\/b><\/font>ot
\n<\/b><\/font>H<\/b><\/font>aving
\na <\/b><\/font>C<\/b><\/font>hoice<\/b><\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

In
\nraising a child, there is no choice as to what kind of child we will
\nhave, or what kind of parents we have. People have felt happy indeed
\n<\/font>by<\/font>
\nthe fact that there was no choice. If there is no choice, all we can
\ndo is to raise each other up, and grow together with each other. I
\nbelieve that human beings like to work out each other’s roles as if
\nputting a puzzle together. It is as if we have this mutual, relative,
\ndevelopmental disorder so that we can confirm the fact that humans
\ncannot live alone by themselves. This is particularly so<\/font>,<\/font>
\nbetween a man and a woman. Because we are not complete, and have
\nshortcomings, we <\/font>truly
\n<\/font>need each other. <\/font><\/font>\n<\/p>\n

To
\nbuild relationships with infants of 0 to 2 years old, is to become
\ngood at putting puzzles together. When we get to know such babies,
\nmost people, after a year, begin to realize that there is meaning in,
\nfor instance, the existence of a bedridden grandpa, and society as a
\nwhole begins to realize that without such people, the puzzle cannot
\nbe completed. Getting to know a 1 to 2-year-old baby, is like being
\nwith someone who has a developmental disorder, as well as a mental
\ndisability, in terms of behavior patterns. Most people spend an
\namazing and wonderful couple of years with babies, and realize that
\nthere is a role to play for people with disabilities also, and that
\nhuman beings are meant to raise each other up mutually. Thus,
\neveryone settles into their roles. However, when we stop dealing with
\nbabies, we tend to lose touch with how to put puzzles together. It is
\neasy to compartmentalize our thinking, so that the bedridden go here,
\nthe demented go there, the disabled go here, and babies go there.
\nYet, social welfare is not able to supplement what is missing. It is
\nthen that human society can begin to fall into disrepair.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

\n<\/p>\n

The
\nFirst Smile<\/b><\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

When
\na baby grows to about three months old, he or she smiles for the
\nfirst time. People who see a baby laugh, feel joy. They feel happy
\nalso, realizing that they themselves are good human beings. They
\nexperience the goodness of their own human nature. And the people who
\nwatch the baby laugh together, can become one in heart.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

To
\nraise a baby is to try to understand daily, how he or she feels,
\nwhich the baby cannot teach you or tell you in words. Humankind has
\nfound peace, not in understanding, but in trying to understand
\nothers.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

If
\nI am sitting alone in a park, I could be seen as a strange man. But,
\nif I’m sitting together with a two<\/font>–
\n<\/font>year<\/font>–<\/font>old
\n<\/font>child, <\/font>it
\nis easy to see me as a “good man.” Just by sitting next to
\nme, the <\/font>child<\/font>,
\nwithin the relativity of this universe, makes me a “good man.”
\nThere aren’t too many people who can do this for you. This is not the
\nwill of the two-year-old, but we see the intent of the universe here.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

\n<\/p>\n

Children
\nBring Out One’s Goodness<\/b><\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Why
\ndo people have to observe children in order to live?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

I’ve
\ndecided that the most complete human being in my opinion, is a
\nfour-year-old. This is because they trust completely, rely
\ncompletely, and on top of it, they seem very happy! This is the ideal
\nstate of a human being that religion seeks for. If you watch children
\nin the playground of a kindergarten or nursery, you can understand
\nwhat I mean. People who look at these children and feel envious, I
\nbelieve, have not yet lost sight of their life goal.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Perhaps
\nthe word ‘complete,’ is not the most appropriate. I should probably
\ndescribe it as a state of a human being, or a state of mind, that we
\nshould aspire to as a goal.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Young
\nchildren trust completely, depend completely, and bring out ‘good
\nhuman nature,’ or the ‘goodness of man’ in different kinds of people.
\nThey come together and play, easily express their joys, and teach us
\nthat happiness is not something that we take away, or gain by
\nwinning, but they teach us that “it is how you hold the measure,
\nthe yardstick.” Children playing in a sandbox teach us adults,
\n“You can be happy with the sand. <\/font>If
\nyou can just hold a <\/font>yardstick<\/font>
\nas we do<\/font>, people can
\nalways become happy.” As long as human beings watch playing
\nchildren, they will not lose sight of the way. They will be fine.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

In
\nthe past, to look at young children, was to see Buddha, to see God,
\nit was to look at oneself.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

The
\n‘strength to live,’ is not to aim for the independence of the
\nindividual, but it is the strength to build ‘bonds.’ <\/b><\/font>To
\ntrust in each other, and rely on each other, is the ‘strength to
\nlive.’<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

All
\nyou can do in raising children is to do your best, and for the rest
\nof the time, to pray. If you have someone who will pray with you,
\npeople will be fine.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

\n\n<\/p>\n

“Empathy”
\nis a Gift from Children<\/b><\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Until
\nnot long ago, human society was quite full of parental feelings. You
\ncould say that society was full of good human nature, which was
\nbrought out by the weak and vulnerable, and with experiences in which
\npeople felt happy about being kind and generous. The great Mahatma
\nGandhi of India (1869-1948) advocated nonviolence, and tried to
\nappeal to the goodness of others, by showing<\/font>
\nwith dignity<\/font> how weak one
\nwas<\/font>,<\/font>
\nto<\/font> <\/font>an
\nopponent. His approach to social reform was in accordance with the
\nlaws of a parental heart, the laws of childrearing, the laws of the
\nuniverse.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

The
\nrole of the wonderful environment of a nursery, or a kindergarten, is
\nto let the children fulfill their role of “bringing out the
\ngoodness in people.” It would be good to have a parent see
\nchildren playing together, repeatedly, and also play together with
\nthem. I would recommend that an adult have this experience, one
\nperson at a time. He or she can be asked, for example, to pull weeds,
\nwhile being surrounded by children, or to take care of their toys. He
\ncould even enjoy a little drink …or <\/font>whatever
\n<\/b><\/font>activity is
\n<\/b><\/font>possible.<\/b><\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

I
\nhave witnessed the life of parents change by playing games like
\n‘Let’s Pretend’ with two-year<\/font>–<\/font>olds,
\nfollowing the policy of a nursery. I have seen, for instance, a
\nfather who was hardened by competition relax, and his face soften
\nwith an indescribable smile. When we are reminded of the yardstick of
\nhappiness that was forgotten, and realize the goodness within
\nourselves, parents actually feel relieved. I know of many good
\nnurseries like this, that “nurture the parental heart.”<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Currently,
\nwe are promoting a “one-day nursery staff experience.”
\nParents come one by one to a kindergarten or a nursery and spend the
\nday surrounded by young children. Some cities and prefectures are now
\nbeginning to adopt this approach.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

\n\n<\/p>\n

Spread
\nof Compulsory Education and Breakdown of the Family<\/b><\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

In
\nthe United States, it is reported that one out of three children are
\nborn from unwed mothers (40% in the UK, 50% in France). The burden of
\nchildrearing on women has grown abnormally, and opportunities for the
\nfather to be in contact with the children are rapidly and abruptly
\ndwindling. Kindness and patience seem to be disappearing from
\nsociety. <\/font>When morals
\nand order that were being maintained with parent-child relationships
\nas the pillar of society begin to disappear, education, police, or
\nthe law become powerless.<\/b><\/font>
\n<\/font>It is reported that 40%<\/font>
\nof the parents<\/font> in the US<\/font>
\nare divorced by the time a child reaches the age of 18. Children are
\nno longer the link between parents, as the saying goes; however,
\nchildrearing used to be the link between the parents. For a man and a
\nwoman (husband and wife), the smallest unit of a society, to raise a
\nchild is to confirm that each of them is a “good person.”
\nThis is the starting point of trusting relationships within human
\nsociety.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

In
\n1984, the American government identified the issue of children’s
\neducation as the most urgent and important task in the survival of a
\nnation, and this was big news for about a year.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

During
\nthis year, an unprecedented report in American history was made, that
\nthe average<\/font> <\/font>education<\/font>
\n<\/font>level of the children had
\nbecome lower than that of their parents. The high school graduation
\nrate of 35 years ago in the parents’ generation, which was at 50%,
\nhad increased to 72%. This should mean, of course, that the academic
\nability of that generation should be greater. The concrete goal of
\nthe spread of compulsory education as a system was being achieved,
\nbut the content of the investigation unfortunately showed the
\nopposite result. More than 20% of high school graduates could not
\nread and write adequately enough to work in society.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

Our
\neyes then turned to the family behind the schools. I wondered if 20%
\nof parents in the U.S. perhaps had too little interest in the future
\nof their children, as this illiteracy rate of 20% was found among
\n“high school graduates.” Although education was compulsory,
\n28% of the children that year did not graduate from high school. When
\nthese figures are added, I wondered if it meant that nearly 40% of
\nthe parents were indifferent about their children?<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

When
\na system of education becomes widespread and established over a
\nperiod of about 50 years, the parents naturally become dependent on
\nthe educational institutions to raise their children. And when time
\nspent with children decreases greatly, the human relations between
\nparents and children suffer and weaken. Some parents can become
\ndetached from their children. As the breakdown of the family
\nadvances, <\/font>order and
\nmorals rooted in a view of happiness, that is learned through
\n‘childrearing,’<\/u><\/font> begins
\nto disappear. It is impossible for new systems or concepts such as
\nthe law, welfare, school or feelings of happiness gained from power
\ngames, to replace the order or morals rooted in a view of happiness,
\nthat is learned through ‘childrearing.’<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

It
\nis good for human beings to be trusted by children, to be grateful
\nfor the time they are trusted, and to live, longing for children.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

When
\nwe are confused by the progress of technology or systems, we start
\nfailing to recognize that overly rapid progress atrophies human
\nsensitivity, which is something that has been nurtured over thousands
\nof years. I believe it is good to affirm once again, that people are
\nborn to believe in each other, by parents observing children in the
\nnursery or educational environment.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

To
\nbear and raise a child is the most precious task that human beings
\nhave been granted by the universe. This act is to dialogue with the
\nuniverse, and to experience oneself. It is a way to feel deeply one’s
\nliving self, and also a way to understand the meaning of life. People
\nare satisfied by coming to know their own value in life.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

What
\nis even more valuable, is that the children raise up the parents.
\nThis is the course of the universe itself, and it is to substantiate
\noneself. It is to declare that one cannot live by himself or herself,
\nand to show the way of real altruism. It is to heal those who have
\nrealized that<\/font>,<\/font>
\nto know is to seek.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

A
\nhuman being’s instinct and will are what lead parents to raise a
\nchild.<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

We
\nsee the will and the image of the universe, in a child, raising up
\nthe parent. <\/font><\/font>\n<\/p>\n


<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

—–<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

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Family Breakdown in Developed Societies Kazu MATSUI chokoko@aol.com Summary: Child-rearing, in particular rais … \u7d9a\u304d\u3092\u8aad\u3080 →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-271","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-1"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kazu-matsui.jp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/271","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kazu-matsui.jp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kazu-matsui.jp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kazu-matsui.jp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kazu-matsui.jp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=271"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/kazu-matsui.jp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/271\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3817,"href":"https:\/\/kazu-matsui.jp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/271\/revisions\/3817"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kazu-matsui.jp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=271"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kazu-matsui.jp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=271"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kazu-matsui.jp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=271"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}